Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Women who fought in the Civil War



Women Do Dangerous Jobs in the Civil War

When it became apparent that the Civil War was going to be more than a 90 day war women quickly left their traditional roles of caring for home and hearth and volunteered for the most dangerous jobs in the war.

Frances Clayton aka Jack Williams
Frances Clayton was not about to watch her husband Elmer go off to war without her so she disguised herself as a man and changed her name to Jack Williams and together with her husband initially joined Company I of the 4th Missouri Heavy Artillery.

The pair fought together through 1862. Jack Williams, or rather Frances Clayton was wounded during the battle at Fort Donelson and again at Shiloh but was able to keep her secret.

At the Battle of Stones River tragedy uncovered her secret. Her husband Elmer was killed in front of her during a charge of an enemy position. She stepped over him to continue the charge only to be wounded in the hip. Her secret uncovered she was sent home, but she didn't stay there.

Clayton, again as Jack Williams, reenlisted, according to Library of Congress records, in Company A of the 13th Missouri Cavalry where she served for 22 months and was noted to be an excellent horseman.

Clayton was one of an estimated 400 women who disguised themselves to get into the army. While these women faced danger and hardship on the battlefield women on the home front volunteered for equally dangerous work and paid the ultimate price.

The Confederate States Laboratories on Brown's Island in the James River at Richmond, Virginia, made ammunition for the Confederate Army. With the men gone to war and the increased need for ammunition the plant hired women, some as young as nine, to take their place on the line.

The women were expected to turn out approximately 1,000 cartridges or more per day but on Friday, March 13, 1863, something went horribly wrong.

The Abingdon Virginian reported; "On yesterday forenoon, between eleven and twelve o'clock, an explosion occurred in Department No. 6 of the Confederate States Laboratory, involving a frightful loss of life and limb to some forty or fifty persons, almost all of whom were females. The department is located on Brown's Island, opposite the foot of 7th street, and in it all breech loading and pistol ammunition is prepared."

"The greatest care has hitherto been observed in keeping the stock of ammunition safely confined, but, through some so far inexplicable circumstances, the powder used by some of
the operatives in the department ignited about the time above indicated, and exploded with a terrific report, tearing down half the building and killing, wounding and throwing in the air or upon the floor the operatives who were engaged in their labors."

"There were in the building some eighty or a hundred hands, chiefly females of different ages from twelve to sixty years. The scene, so terrible, so sickening, we essay to depict to our readers."

"The operatives of the entire Laboratory were at once thrown into commotion and, together with the people of the neighborhood, streamed out towards the scene of the disaster. The alarm of fire was given and the report spread through the city with rapidity, and within-in an hour the banks of the river opposite the island were densely thronged with citizens."

Brown's Island Munitons Plant
"The pressure about the bridge leading to the island became so great that an extra guard was stationed there to prevent the passage of all who were not engaged in rendering assistance to the wounded or caring for the dead. Very soon, under the direction of officers of the Laboratory, spring wagons and carriages were brought to the spot and the work of removing the wounded to their homes and elsewhere was commenced. In the meantime, the medical department was alive with promptitude and energy, and none of the wounded were removed until their condition had received the best temporary attention."

"Some of the unfortunate girls were burnt from head to foot; others were burned in the face and eyes; some had an arm or a leg divested of flesh-and skin, others were bleeding with wounds received from the falling timbers or in the violent concussions against floor and ceiling, which ensued."

The Richmond Examiner reported that "Some ten or twelve were taken from the ruins dead, and from twenty to thirty still alive, but suffering the most horrible agonies, blind from burns, with the hair burned from their heads, and the clothing hanging in burning shreds about their persons. Others less injured ran wailing frantically, and rushing into the nearest arms for succor and relief."
 
Munitions Plant after Explosion
"The immediate treatment of the burned consisted in removing their clothing and covering the body thickly with flour and cotton, saturated with oil; chloroform was all administered-the sufferings of the wounded were alleviated by these means in the interval between their rescue and removal to their homes, or General Hospital No. 2, where many were taken."

On September 15, 2001, the Virginia Division of the United Daughters of the Confederacy dedicated a monument to those who died in the Brown's Island explosion. Among the 46 killed in the explosion the youngest was Eliza Willis, age 10, and at least 21 other girls killed were between the ages of 13 and 16. The oldest of the workers killed appears to have been Sarah Marshall, age 67.

All these women were killed in the line of duty without ever setting foot on a battlefield.


Civil War Letter -- Sullivan Ballou -- Last Love Letter


Sullivan Ballou Letter
An absolutely beautiful letter and a moving story.
During the American Civil War, a week before the First Battle of Bull Run, an officer in the Union Army named Sullivan Ballou wrote the following letter to his wife Sarah. July 14, 1861, Washington, DC
My Very Dear Wife,
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days — perhaps tomorrow — and lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I am no more.
I have no misgivings about — or lack of confidence in — the cause of which I am engaged, and my courage does not falter. I know how American civilization now leans upon the triumph of the government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution, and I am willing — perfectly willing — to lay down all my joys in this life to help maintain this government, and to pay that debt.
Sarah, my love for you is deathless, and it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence can break. And yet, my love of country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly with all those chains to the battlefield. The memories of all the blissful moments I have enjoyed with you come crowding over me, and I feel most deeply grateful to God and to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes and future years when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together, and seen our boys grown up to honorable manhood around us.
If I do not return my dear Sarah, never forget how much I loved you, nor that when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.
Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless, how foolish I have sometimes been. But, Oh Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they love, I shall always be with you, in the brightest day and the darkest night. Always, Always…
And, when the soft breeze fans your cheek, it shall be my breath. And, the cool air your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dead. Think I am gone, and wait for me, for we shall meet again.
Major Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later at the First Battle of Bull Run. Ballou had lost his father at a young age and grew up in poverty. But he persevered and went on to become a well-liked member of the Rhode Island House of Representatives. He did not have to go to war, but as a man of principle, volunteered because of his ardent support of Lincoln. He died at the age of 34. Sarah never remarried, but his sons did grow up to “honorable manhood.” Among his descendants are five presidents: Millard Fillmore, James Garfield, Calvin Coolidge and both George Bushes.

Monday, April 29, 2013

HOSPICE VOLUNTEERS - A VITAL PART OF CARING FOR THOSE WHO ARE DYING



What is Hospice?  

"At some time, in some way, we must all face the end of life, and most of us share a common hope that when death comes to us, or to a loved one, it will be peaceful.  We hope to be surrounded by those we love, feeling safe, comfortable and cared for.  When our life has ended, we hope that our loved ones, who are left behind, will be comforted and supported through their grief."  Living Lessons

Hospice volunteers come with a wide range of life experiences and skills that enable them to offer practical assistance and supportive care to meet the special needs arising out of the physical, emotional, spiritual, social and economic stresses experienced during the final stages of living, and during caregiving and bereavement.

Hospice volunteers work as part of the Hospice Pallative Care Team (consisting of the patient, their family and friends, healthcare professionals and volunteers) to ensure the needs and choices of those dealing with end-of-life issues are sensitively met.

Volunteers who have completed the training program are eligible to work with clients and their families providing compassionate care and support in the community in a variety of settings.  

They may work as:


  • A home visiting volunteer providing support and respite for the terminally ill, their families, and caregivers.
  • A volunteers on the Pallative Care Unit
  • A bereavement support volunteer working in formal and informal group programs.
Individuals, who wish to contribute on a volunteer basis without taking the training program provided may become "Friends of Hospice" and participate in non-client related activities such as:


  • Board Membership
  • Fundraising Activities
  • Office & House Support
  • Thrift Shop
Hospice is not only a place -- it is a philosophy of care.  We believe that life is a precious and fragile journey of growth and development and that, although death may be a time of sadness and separations, dying is a part of life's journey that can be embraced with dignity, serenity and hope.

Volunteer Training

Hospice volunteer training is experimental in nature and active participation in the group process is necessary.  Facilitators provide a safe environment for participants to share an are available for debriefing after and between training sessions.

Training includes:
                             Communication Skills
                                 Comforting Skills
                       Community Pallative Care Team
                             Issues of Death & Dying
                            Dealing with Grief & Loss
                                 Pallative Care Unit 
                                    Care of Self
                                  Care of Spirit

Following 40 hours of training, volunteers receive orientation and work with patients and families on the Pallative Care Unit with support of an experienced hospice volunteer.  

The generosity of our community enables us to offer our pallative and bereavement programs at NO COST to the participants.

Information taken from Volunteer Training Program Nanaimo Community Hospice Society  brochure --- More inforamtion at www.nanaimohospice.com or contact them via email
info@nanaimohospice.com




Wednesday, April 10, 2013

When Our Memories Smell Like Us


When Our Memories Smell Like Us



Posted by Caleb Wilde

Four months after Newtown, People magazine has published a series called, “Life After Newtown Shootings” where the parents describe their grief and how they are coping.  It’s a beautiful series and well-worth your time and the three dollar Kleenex box that you’ll go through.

One of the parents mentions that she still sleeps with her son’s pajamas so that she can be soothed by “his smell.”  Certainly, considering the tragedy of Newtown, there is nothing abnormal about her practice.  In fact, it’s healthy and I can’t help but feel the heaviness of her grief as I think about it.
  

Here’s a question: A what point has her son’s smell disappeared and what she thinks is her son’s smell is actually her own smell.  At what point in sleeping with his pajamas have they stopped smelling like her son and started to smell like her?

At funerals, you’ll often hear people say, “Cathy lives on in all of our memories” or, “Cathy will never die as longs as we remember her.”

There’s a difficulty that comes with remembering our loved one.

I remember an old man, who was married to his late wife for over 50 years, stopped into funeral home to pay his bill and he said, “I both grieve the loss of my wife and the distortion of my memories of her.  Even now, when I remember her, I ask myself, “Is this memory real or is it my mind’s adaptation of her?  I only want to remember the good, but I miss the bad and messy nearly as much because it’s who she was.”


There’s a time when the smell on the pajamas becomes our own.  There’s a time when memories are distorted by our desires for comfort.  But, this is why we must grieve in community … so that community can help us piece together the real.

Grief must take place in community!  We have to share, we have to be vulnerable with our friends and family.

Share at your family dinners … over the holidays.


Be brave and ask your parents old friends about mom/dad.  Ask your child’s friends … your spouse’s co-workers.

Have people write down their memories.

Talk.  Talk. Talk.  

Talk about your deceased loved one.  Don’t let the memories die.  Don’t let them become distorted.



About the author
Caleb Wilde
I'm a sixth generation funeral director. I have a grad degree in Missional Theology. And I like to read and write.
Connect with my writing and book plans by "liking" me on facebook. And keep tabs with my blog via subscription or twitter.


www.connectingdirectors.com

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Five Regrets of the Dying


Top five regrets of the dying

A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?


There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. Photograph: Montgomery Martin/Alamy


Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?


Taken from 
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying?INTCMP=SRCH&fb=native#_=_

Thursday, April 4, 2013

What if I die without a will? For the United States


What if I die without a will?  
Info for the United States


Dying without a will - known as dying "intestate" - means you have no say over who receives your assets, and can leave your heirs and the court system the complex and costly job of wrangling over who should get what.

Your assets go into what's called "probate" - an expensive and drawn out legal process which determines who inherits your estate, and can take anywhere from a few months to a few years, depending on how complicated the estate is.

So-called intestacy laws vary considerably from state to state. In general, though, if you die and leave a spouse and kids, your assets will be split between your surviving mate and children. If you're single with no children, then the state is likely to decide who among your blood relatives will inherit your estate.


Probate is a fancy term for the legal process that occurs after a person dies. The probate court system must first validate that the will is authentic, and then proceed to distribute the estate among the heirs. When a person leaves no will, the probate court must decide, according to the laws of the state, who gets what.
Probate is an expensive process and can take anywhere from a few months to a few years, depending on how complicated the estate is. If you want to spare your heirs the hassle of probate, there are a few ways to avoid the process, such as a revocable living trust.

http://money.cnn.com/retirement/guide/estateplanning_wills.moneymag/index6.htm

  What Happens When a Person Dies Without a Will?

By Katherine at Legal Language
Posted on 07/21/2010
In Legal Resources


Many people put off creating a will for many years, but what happens if you die without one?

Whether you are young or old, rich or poor, you should consider creating a will or trust. When a person dies without a will, an already difficult situation can become a complicated legal mess for the person’s loved ones.

The State Is Involved

When a person dies without a will, it is said that the person died “intestate.” Each state has intestacy laws in place which determine who is entitled to the deceased’s property and assets.

While intestacy laws vary slightly from state to state, they generally follow the same path, especially for smaller estates. If someone dies without a will but owns no property and has assets of less than $100,000, no formal court proceeding is required. Family members can file a Declaration of Small Estate through a bank or even the DMV and are then allowed to collect and split the deceased’s assets.

If property is involved, however, collecting the estate becomes more complicated.

Property & Relationships Are Involved

When a person dies without a will and owns property, the process varies considerably based on the deceased’s relationship status.

If the person who dies without a will is single with or without children, the process is generally easier than if the deceased is married or has a domestic partner.

What If the Person Who Dies Without a Will Is Single?

If a person who is not married dies without a will, the person’s estate goes to his or her child or is split evenly between multiple children.

If the person who dies without a will has no children, then the estate goes to his or her parents. If the parents are deceased, the estate is split among siblings.

What If the Person Who Dies Without a Will Is Married?

State laws vary far more widely if a person dies without a will and leaves behind a spouse or domestic partner, children and other relatives.

If there are children in the relationship, they may inherit up to two-thirds of the estate while the spouse receives the remainder.

If there are no children in the relationship, the surviving spouse may inherit the entire estate — or, depending on the state, as little as one-third of the property and assets, with the rest going to the parents and siblings of the deceased.

Excerpts from http://www.legallanguage.com/legal-articles/dies-without-a-will/







Dying Without a Will in Canada
PDF  | Print |

Written by The Editors
  

When someone dies without a will, or a will cannot be located, or is located but is deemed invalid, the person is said to have died intestate. Provincial laws deal with this situation, as each province has a potential interest in the deceased person's estate.

The assets owned by the deceased at time of death are known as that person's estate. Any debts the person owed need to be paid out of the estate, and anything remaining (the "residue" of the estate) can be divided among the heirs of the deceased person. Note that taxes are a debt.

So far, this is the same as what happens when someone dies with a valid will. The difference is, when you die with a valid will, distribution is usually done by the person you appointed as your executor, according to the wishes you expressed in your will.


Administration

When a person dies intestate, family members may apply to the courts to act as the estate administrator (sometimes know as the estate trustee). If the court provides a certificate of appointment, the administrator must identify and settle all debts in the estate. If anything remains, the administrator must then determine how to divide the residue and must try to locate and obtain the agreement to the division from legal heirs (the usual order or priority is: spouse, children, parents, brothers and sisters, and more distant family such as nieces and nephews).

If no member of the immediate family of the deceased is willing to act as administrator, or none is able to take on the task, then the court may appoint a trust company to undertake the task.


Problems

If the assets of he deceased person have some value, the risk of conflicts among potential heirs is high. In the absence of a will, the individual acting as the administrator of the estate is likely to be confronted with emotional claims ("I was always her favorite", or "He promised me I would get ...") and there is a strong possibility that cooperation in the process will not happen.


Solution

Write your will! We all like to think we will live a long time, and many of us have a superstitious fear of preparing a will. Reality, however, dictates that accidents and sudden, fatal illness will take some people much sooner than anyone would have predicted.

Once you start acquiring assets of value — a home, a pension plan, investments, and similar — you should prepare your first will. Review your will once a year after you write it (a good time is when you are doing your annual tax return and thinking about your assets), and update it as needed.

A small effort on your part may save your family a lot of unnecessary pain and conflict.



Preparing the Final Tax Return



Preparing the Final Tax Return

Who is responsible for filing the deceased’s final tax return?

The deceased’s legal representative is responsible for ensuring that the tax return is filed. The legal representative would be the Executor (as named in the will) or the Administrator as appointed by the court. As the legal representative, you may wish to appoint an authorized representative to deal with the Canada Revenue Agency for tax matters on your behalf. You may do so by completing Form T1013, T1013.


What is the deadline for filing the final return?

If death occurred between January 1, 2011 and October 31, 2011, the final return is due by April 30, 2012. If death occurred between November 1, 2011 and December 31, 2011, the final return is due 6 months after the date of death. The due date for filing the T1 return of a surviving spouse or common-law partner who was living with the deceased is the same as the due date for filing the deceased’s final return. However, any balance owing on the surviving spouse’s or common-law partner’s return still has to be paid on or before April 30, 2012 to avoid interest charges.

If the deceased or the deceased’s spouse (or common law partner) was carrying on a business, in 2011 the deadlines are extended as follows. If death occurred between January 1, 2011 and October 31, 2011, the final return is due by June 15, 2012 though any taxes owing are due by April 30, 2012. If death occurred between November 1, 2011 and December 15, 2011, the final return is due June 15, 2012 and any taxes owing are due 6 months after the date of death. If death occurred between December 16, 2011 and December 31, 2011, the final tax return and any taxes owing are due 6 months after the date of death. The due date for filing the T1 return of a surviving spouse or common-law partner who was living with the deceased is the same as the due date for filing the deceased’s final return. However, any balance owing on the surviving spouse’s or common-law partner’s return still has to be paid on or before April 30, 2012 to avoid interest charges.

If a person dies after December 31, 2011 but on or before April 30, 2012, and that person had not yet filed the 2011 tax return, the due date for filing it, as well as for paying the balance owing, is six months after the date of death. The due date for filing the 2011T1 return of a surviving spouse (or common law partner) who was living with the deceased is the same as the due date for filing the deceased’s prior year return. However, any balance owing on the surviving spouse’s or common law partner’s return still has to be paid on or before April 30, 2011 to avoid interest charges.

How do you notify the CRA that someone has died?

You should provide the CRA with the deceased’s date of death as soon as possible. You can call them at 1-800-959-8281, or complete the form “Request for the Canada Revenue Agency to update records” found at T4011. Send the completed form to your tax services office or tax center.
CRA has a 33 page guide titled T4011 – Preparing Returns for Deceased Persons 2011. It can be found online at DP 2011.

More information to come…

I’ll have more tax information posted soon, so please revisit Widowed.ca soon. We’re here to help you take control of the future and move to the next chapter of your life. Should you have questions you’d like to see addressed in a future blog, please e-mail me at: jennifer@widowed.ca.

For more information you can contact Dedicated Financial Solutions. Or use our Looking for Help? search tool on the right sidebar and our Home Page to find additional experts in your area.



RENT A MOURNER



‘Rent A Mourner’ 
Helps You Look More Popular At Your Funeral

Posted by CDFuneralNews

Hiring a professional mourner or training your staff to act as professional mourners gained national attention when the practice was exposed during the reality show ‘Best Funeral Ever‘. Now the Huffington Post has taken notice.

From Huffington Post:
A crowded funeral is one symbol of a well-lived life, but for those who have burned some bridges, one U.K. company has a solution to boost memorial service attendance.

Rent-A-Mourner, based in Essex, England, hires out fake mourners to local funerals for around $68 for two hours of grief, The Telegraph reports. Actors stand in as friends of the deceased, adding numbers to the crowd, said company founder Ian Robertson, who started the business last year.

To help the hired grievers fit in, the actors are briefed about the life of the deceased so that they can talk to other funeral-goers as if they had been friends, according to the company. “We will take your guidance on how you would like us to integrate and mix with your other guests,” its website states.

The idea is not new in other parts of the world. In some African countries, China and Middle Eastern countries it’s tradition to hire professional mourners who come to publicly grieve at funerals. In Ivory Coast, the job is a sought-after career for some women, who can make make up to several hundred dollars per day for their weeping services, according to a Radio Netherlands report.

The New York Times even noted the practice as long ago as 1877, with a short item about the popularity of “professional weepers” in Asia. The author envisioned that one day mechanical grievers could replace humans at American funerals: “Probably we shall use steam mourners at no distant day, for it is the firm conviction of the average American that whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing by steam.”

How To Seem More Popular At Your Funeral

A crowded funeral is one symbol of a well-lived life, but for those who have burned some bridges, one U.K. company has a solution to boost memorial service attendance. Rent-A-Mourner, based in Essex, England, hires out fake mourners to local funerals for around $68 for two hours of grief, The Telegraph reports.

via Huffingtonpost

Article taken from:
http://connectingdirectors.com/page/2