Five Regrets of the Dying

Top five regrets of the dying

A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. Photograph: Montgomery Martin/Alamy

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

Taken from 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying?INTCMP=SRCH&fb=native#_=_

MANAGING GRIEF DURING THE HOLIDAYS

The holidays are a busy time, full of joyful gatherings of family and friends, a time of reflection and fond memories. But for those who have experienced the death of a loved one, the holidays can seem much more daunting, this holiday season may present an even greater sense of loss.

While it may be a struggle, there are things that can be done to ease the grief and make coping less difficult.

Take care of yourself, both physically and mentally. Don't be afraid to set limits. The holiday season is busy enough that it can exhaust anyone, but if you are shouldering an extra burden of grief, it only makes it more unappealing. Get enough sleep, eat well, and take time out for yourself. Think about what family traditions you want to take part in, and what may be too much, and don't be afraid to say no to activities that may overwhelm you.

Share your memories with others. Speaking about your loved ones and sharing remembrances can often help alleviate some of the pain of the season. If it helps, take part in a memorial or remembrance service at your local place of worship or family funeral home. Spending time with others who understand what you're going through is often a great source of comfort.

Above all, do what's right for you. Your family and friends care about you, and will likely offer advice about what they think is best for the grieving process. Don't forget to do what feels most comfortable for you. If volunteering at a local hospital or food pantry helps you heal, then seek out opportunities in the community. If stepping back from a more active role in your family's celebratory activities is the best way, let them know. It is perfectly natural to need time and space to honor your feelings, and the memory of your loved one. 

But don't forget to seek out your family and friends for support. You are not alone.

Taken from:

http://www.nfda.org/index.php/consumer-resources-aftercare/194

Also check out: http://womansday.ninemsn.com/christmas2011/8389100/christmas-loss