RENT A MOURNER

‘Rent A Mourner’ 

Helps You Look More Popular At Your Funeral

Posted by CDFuneralNews

Hiring a professional mourner or training your staff to act as professional mourners gained national attention when the practice was exposed during the reality show ‘Best Funeral Ever‘. Now the Huffington Post has taken notice.

From Huffington Post:

A crowded funeral is one symbol of a well-lived life, but for those who have burned some bridges, one U.K. company has a solution to boost memorial service attendance.

Rent-A-Mourner, based in Essex, England, hires out fake mourners to local funerals for around $68 for two hours of grief, The Telegraph reports. Actors stand in as friends of the deceased, adding numbers to the crowd, said company founder Ian Robertson, who started the business last year.

To help the hired grievers fit in, the actors are briefed about the life of the deceased so that they can talk to other funeral-goers as if they had been friends, according to the company. “We will take your guidance on how you would like us to integrate and mix with your other guests,” its website states.

The idea is not new in other parts of the world. In some African countries, China and Middle Eastern countries it’s tradition to hire professional mourners who come to publicly grieve at funerals. In Ivory Coast, the job is a sought-after career for some women, who can make make up to several hundred dollars per day for their weeping services, according to a Radio Netherlands report.

The New York Times even noted the practice as long ago as 1877, with a short item about the popularity of “professional weepers” in Asia. The author envisioned that one day mechanical grievers could replace humans at American funerals: “Probably we shall use steam mourners at no distant day, for it is the firm conviction of the average American that whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing by steam.”

How To Seem More Popular At Your Funeral

A crowded funeral is one symbol of a well-lived life, but for those who have burned some bridges, one U.K. company has a solution to boost memorial service attendance. Rent-A-Mourner, based in Essex, England, hires out fake mourners to local funerals for around $68 for two hours of grief, The Telegraph reports.

via Huffingtonpost

Article taken from:
http://connectingdirectors.com/page/2

A SEND-OFF FOR GEORGE BERNARD BENTA

A SEND-OFF FOR A HARLEM FUNERAL DIRECTOR

By KIA GREGORY

 As a funeral director in Harlem for more than six decades, George Bernard Benta delivered his personal brand of service for luminaries like Langston Hughes, James Baldwin, Paul Robeson, Etta Jones, Coleman Hawkins, Gil Noble and Alvin Ailey.

He also tended to other well-known people after they died, including Wesley A. Williams, the first black lieutenant in the New York Fire Department; Richard Parrish, a leader in the freedom school movement; and, Kenneth B. Clark, the psychologist whose research helped overturn racial segregation in the nation’s public schools.

But Mr. Benta made sure to treat everyone — celebrities, politicians and blue-collar workers alike — with dignity and respect. And he did it with his distinctive reverence and polish.

 “He liked to do things that were flashy, that no one else was doing,” said his former daughter-in-law, Dorrence Benta, a member of the.family business.

NOT Mr. Benta's hearse.. 

Beyond the standard hues, he offered families a choice of colorful hearses to transport their loved ones. They could pick gold, green or red. And they could have a coffin to match.

During viewings and services, Mr. Benta and his staff wore elegant suits, with pinstripes, long coats and gray gloves as they went about memorializing the dead and consoling families.

Mr. Benta, who died on Jan. 3 at the age of 91, was a stickler when it came to conduct, his family said. Something he would always say was printed on the back of his funeral program: “God gave us two ends: one to sit on; one to think with. Success depends on which one you use. Heads you win, tails you lose.”

If someone left the light on he would let the staff know: “My name is George Benta, not Thomas Edison.” If he spotted a paper clip on the floor, he would wonder how it was that he was the first to see it and pick it up.

His other philosophy: Cater to the deceased, but do not forget the living.

Mr. Benta incorporated techniques from the hospitality industry. Benta’s Funeral Home, which opened in 1928 and is among the oldest in Harlem, offers families a private room to gather themselves . Mr. Benta ran the business 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and on holidays. If no one answered the phone at the front desk, the call was automatically forwarded to Mr. Benta’s home and then to the homes of his three children.

He was a fastidious dresser, known to wear ascots and tams, and to always have a handkerchief tucked in his suit’s breast pocket. “He was the only one I knew who could pull off some plaid pants, and make it look stylish,” Ms. Benta said. And his charisma could fill a room, she said. When he could not recall a name, he would address men “Hey, guy,” and women as “pumpkin.”

If clients did not have the money to pay for services, Mr. Benta would try to work out some sort of arrangement. Sometimes they ended up paying nothing at all.

Mr. Benta was born in Harlem in 1921. His father had moved there from Antigua, and, by family accounts, was a stern and proper man. In one story, Mr. Benta told his family how his father would leave the house every day wearing a crisp suit for his job at the post office. One day when he forgot something, Mr. Benta took it to him, and stood staring at his father in shock. There he was, running around, sorting mail, not in his suit, but in a Postal Service uniform.

 

“I always remembered that story,” said his granddaughter Whitney Gayle Benta. “The pride his father had. You had to take that much care in your appearance, so you could get respect.”

Mr. Benta’s father went to mortuary school and opened a funeral home in the family brownstone. Mr. Benta eventually joined the business, and persuaded his father to expand.

They eventually bought a six-story building on St. Nicholas Avenue near 141st Street. The funeral home operated on the ground floor, and the family lived in one of the 40 apartments above it.

For Mr. Benta’s service, some 700 programs have been printed. His grandson Jason Benta booked a jazz band to play at the viewing on Wednesday at the funeral home that he made into a neighborhood institution.

And on Thursday, at an Episcopal church in Harlem, his family will do for him what he had done for so many.

A version of this article appeared in print on 01/10/2013, on page A17 of the NewYork edition with the headline: A Send-Off for a Harlem Funeral Director.

Taken from :

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/09/after-a-lifetime-arranging-funerals-now-his-own/?utm_medium=twitter&utm_source=twitterfeed

I wanted to add this article to this Blog as a salute to this great man who happens to be a Funeral Director.  May you be with God.

WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE DIES

WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE DIES

Here you can learn what to do if a friend or loved one has just died or if death is expected sometime soon. The following guides will take you through the steps of arranging a funeral from making the first call when someone dies to the various arrangements to be made following the funeral.

    FIRST CALL -- The deceased is still at the place of death  

    and a"first call" needs to be made to arrange for  

    transportation of the deceased to a funeral home or other  

    funeral service facility.      

    DECEASED TRANSPORTATION -- The First Call  

     results in an initial transfer of the deceased from the place

     of death to a funeral home.   In this case, it would be to  

     Telford’s Burial & Cremation Centre’s modernized     

     facilities, to insure that your deceased loved one is given 

the respect and care due to them and your peace of mind. 

  

ARRANGEMENT APPOINTMENT -- Planning a funeral involves making many decisions concerning funeral ceremonies, funeral products and final disposition of the body by burial or cremation.   We have highly qualified and experienced Funeral Directors who will walk you through the process at this appointment.

INFORMATION TO BRING WITH YOU 

You will need to supply the information listed here for the Vital Statistics Office: 

• Deceased's Full Legal Name – Birth Certificate or other legal document showing the name.

• Birth Date
• Care Card Number
• SIN Number
• Marital Status
• Occupation
• Birth Place of deceased
• Father’s Name and Birth Place
• Mother’s Name (Maiden surname) and Birth Place

Other topics to consider before the Arrangement Appointment:

Interment Arrangements -- Did the deceased express certain wishes before their death?  What are  you considering?

Cemetery Burial
Mausoleum Entombment
Cremation
Donation to Medical Science

 

Funeral Services

Traditional Service
Memorial Service
Graveside Service
Interment Only 
 

    Additional Services ...

                   Embalming
                                  DNA Sample
                                                Out-of-town Transportation

1. CEMETERY ARRANGEMENTS -- Our funeral directors can make these arrangements on behalf of a family, getting the proper permits and other necessary provisions that are necessary.

2.  FUNERAL AND MEMORIAL PRODUCTS -- There are various options for purchasing caskets, grave markers, and other funeral merchandise.  We have a large selection of products for you to see from the basic to the moderately priced.

3.    ESTATE, FINANCIAL AND ADMINISTRATIVE   

         MATTERS 

    Following the funeral, the affairs of the deceased must be put in order. These matters range from sending death notices to filing death benefit claims to changing title of the deceased's assets. A lawyer or notary would be advisable if the estate is over $10,000.   Government forms need to be filled and processed by the Service Canada office... for the Death Benefit and Survivor Benefits.  The Funeral Director can help you organize the government forms and paperwork that you will need. 

Here are a few sites to check out for information 

regarding notification of a death... 

Canada Pension Plan  http://www.servicecanada.gc.ca/eng/isp/cpp/cpptoc.shtml

For the Executor or Administrator see http://www.lawyers-bc.com/probate/articles/check.htme

Canadian Tax and Financial Information    http://www.taxtips.ca/willsandestates/whattodo.htm

Canada Revenue Agency   http://www.cra-arc.gc.ca/tx/ndvdls/lf-vnts/dth/menu-eng.html

WHEN DEATH IS IMMINENT

WHEN DEATH IS IMMINENT

PREPARING FUTURE ARRANGEMENTS

If a friend or loved one is seriously ill and expected to die in a matter of days or weeks, you may want to make funeral arrangements in advance.   Preparing in advance puts you in control.   It will make your meeting with a funeral director more productive when the time comes.  Some of the hard decisions can be made ahead of time so that after the loss, you need not have the added stress of making hard decisions at that sorrowful time.

We, at Telford's Burial & Cremation Centre are here to help you in this difficult time. Our experienced and compassionate staff will walk you through the initial process, making one more thing less stressful.  Call us at 250-245-5553 or 250-591-6644.

For the initial call to Telford's, the information below is needed:

• Deceased’s Full (Legal)      Name

• Birth date
• Deceased’s Care Card Number
• Next of Kin
• Doctor’s Name
• Do they have pre-arrangements with us?
• We will also need your name and phone number so that we can contact you when needed.
• Is it an expected death at home?
• Does the person have pre-arrangements with us? 
• Memorial Society of BC member?  
• Phone number and address of Contact Person

    You can set up an appointment 

                   with one of our 

                Funeral Directors,  

          who will go through the prerequisites of the process 

                    and give you 

                peace of mind that  

\   your wishes will be followed.   

The Undertaking -- what do Funeral Directors do Video

Telford's Burial & Cremation Centre (2009)

 www.telfordsburialandcremationcentre.com

We are on Facebook!!!

 http://www.facebook.com/pages/Telford-Burial-Cremation-Centre-2009-Family-Owned-and-Operated/139442666206729

I know that for many people, thinking about funerals and the work that I do to care for grieving families isn't easy.  But I am proud of the work that we do her at Telford's Burial & Cremation Centre which is why I'd like to invite you to watch a PBS Frontline documentary called The Undertaking.

In a unique and poignant way, "The Undertaking" offers you a glimpse into my world and depicts the care and compassion funeral directors everywhere provide every day.  After watching this program, which is filled with intimate, personal stories of families dealing with grief, mortality and the rituals of a funeral, you may want to know more about the value of a funeral, the work I do, and the importance of honoring a loved one.  If you, please call me or one of my experienced staff at Telford's Burial & Cremation Centre 250-245-5553 or 250-591-6644, 

We are here to help and we are available to answer any questions you may have at any time.

Sincerely
Greg Lonsdale
Owner & Operator
Telford's Burial & Cremation Centre
Serving the Mid Island
Vancouver Island, BC Canada

The Undertaking can be seen at http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/undertaking

To Help You Understand Grief

TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND GRIEF

Grief is a somewhat complicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some point or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grief are generally the same. Although varying from person to person, it’s not unusual for the active stages of grief to last 1 to 2 full years of more. But, understanding the stages of grief can also help the bereaved see that they aren’t alone in their confusion, turmoil, and pain and that things will improve as you progress through the stages.

It is commonly accepted that there are five actual stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or other the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be fully completed. Thus there will be little or no healing. A person MUST go through the five stages to truly be well again and to heal completely. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time, or in the same order. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages; they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backwards, but, this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. 

The following is a basic outline of these five stages. It is our sincere hope that this guide will help you better understand what you are feeling now, and what you may be feeling tomorrow, as you move forward one day at a time.

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF ARE:

STAGE 1- Denial: “This can’t be happening to me”. You will find yourself looking for your loved one in familiar places, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still living there. You may not cry. You may not accept or even acknowledge the loss for some time.

STAGE 2- Anger: “Why me?” You will experience feelings of wanting to fight back of get even with the person for dying. You will feel anger toward the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

STAGE 3- Bargaining: Bargaining often takes place even before the loss. You may attempt to make deals with the person who is dying, or attempt to make deals with God or others to stop death from happening. You may find yourself begging, wishing, or praying for the deceased to come back

STAGE 4- Depression: You may have overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, or even self-pity. You are mourning not only the loss of the person, but also the loss of your future hopes, dreams and plans as well. You may feel a lack of control, a feeling of numbness. You may perhaps even feel suicidal.

STAGE 5- Acceptance: There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just resign to it and try to bear it quietly. You must realize and accept that even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person was not in their right frame of mind and that they didn’t leave you specifically, on purpose. You must work toward finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, you must seek out and find comfort and healing. Your goals must turn toward personal growth. You must hold onto fond memories of the person who has died.

Don’t be afraid to ask for or seek out help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that at this very moment in time. Just know that it is true. 

To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive; it proves that we are human and felt love or affection for the person who has died. But, we can’t stop living.

We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. 

Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to facilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.