Regrets

9 Things No One Wants to Regret 

When They’re Older

Article from: Marcandangel.com

In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.

The things you didn’t do when you had the chance.  That priceless relationship you neglected.  Those important words you left unspoken…

Every one of us has experienced feelings of regret.  

But it’s not too late to set things straight...  

We’re still here breathing...  

Right now we have an opportunity 

to change our future.  

Right now we can choose to erase 

regret from our later years.

Here are nine things no one wants to regret when they’re older, and some thoughts on avoiding these regrets:

1.  Not spending enough time smiling with the people you love.

You’ve heard the saying, ‘The best things in life are free.’  Well spending quality time with family and friends, enjoying the antics of a pet, seeing your child smile, experiencing intimate and heart-felt moments with your significant other – these times are precious and free.

Don’t get so caught up in the rat race, working 50+ hours a week, to the point where you are too stressed and exhausted to enjoy your closest relationships. 

By simplifying your lifestyle  and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to live on less money, and thus work fewer hours and enjoy more of what matters most.

As we get older, fun is often underrated.  

With all of our responsibilities, 

fun seems like an indulgence.  

It shouldn’t be.  

It should be a requirement.  

When your work life is busy, and all your energy is focused in that arena, it’s all too easy to find yourself off balance.  While drive and focus is important, if you intend to maintain happiness and peace in your life you still need to balance in the soccer games, the family dinners, the intimate dates with your significant other, etc.

2.  Holding a grudge and never forgiving someone you care about.

We’ve all been hurt by another person at some point – we were treated poorly, trust was broken, hearts were hurt.  And while this pain is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long.  We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go.

This creates problems.  It not only causes us to be unhappy, but it can strain or ruin our relationships, distract us from work and family and other important things, and make us reluctant to open up to new things and people.  We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens.

Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.  If there’s someone in your life who deserves another chance, give it to them.  If you need to apologize, do it.  Give your story together a happy new beginning.  

3.  Fulfilling everyone else’s dreams, instead of your own.

Unfortunately, just before you take your first step on the righteous journey to pursue your dreams, people around you, even the ones who deeply care for you, will give you awful advice.  It’s not because they have evil intentions.  It’s because they don’t understand the big picture – what your dreams, passions, and life goals mean to you.

Have the courage to live a life true to YOU, 

not the life others expect of you.   

Make time to pursue your passion, 

no matter how busy you are or what anyone else says.

As our friend Steve Jobs once said:

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.  Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.  Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition.  They somehow already know what you truly want to become.  Everything else is secondary.”

4.  Not being honest about how you feel.

Say what you need to say, and 

never apologize for showing your feelings. 

Many people suppress their feelings in order to keep peace with others.  As a result, they settle for carrying the weight of their own silence.  

Give yourself permission to feel 

a full range of emotions.  

When you’re in touch with 

what you’re feeling, you’re more 

likely to understand the situation 

at hand and resolve it instead of avoiding it.

Also, if you want to connect with others, you need to accept and love yourself first, even when your truth feels heavy.  

In the end, expressing your feelings will boost your relationships, including your relationship with yourself, to a new healthier level.  And your open honesty will also help you to realize and release unhealthy relationships from your life.

5.  Being foolish and irresponsible with your finances.

When you spend less than you make you buy lifestyle flexibility and freedom.  

You are buying the ability to say yes to the things that matter, because you’re saving on the things that don’t.  

Money can bring comfort, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying that comfort.  But it’s important to spend money on the things that truly matter to you, and let go of spending that does not add value to your life.

Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one.

Stop buying stuff you do not need.  

Do not spend to impress others.  

Do not live life trying to fool yourself 

into thinking wealth is measured in material objects.  

Manage your money wisely so your money 

does not manage you.  

6.  Getting caught up in needless drama and negativity.

Don’t expect to achieve long-term happiness 

if you surround yourself with negative people.  

Don’t give part-time people 

a full-time position in your life.  

Know your value and what you have to offer, 

stay positive, and never settle 

for anything less than what you deserve.

There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it.  Staying out of other people’s drama is an incredibly effective way to simplify your life and reduce stress.  Surround yourself with positive people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad, so you can focus on the good.  

Life really is too short to be anything 

but positive and happy.

7.  Never making your own happiness a priority.

For the average person happiness is a choice, yet numerous people are unhappy.  There are many reasons, but it all boils down to one simple principle:  They choose something else over happiness.  Because it often takes less effort to be unhappy.

To find true happiness in life 

you have to follow your heart and intuition.  

You have to be who you are, 

and design a lifestyle and career 

that fulfills you – no matter what that 

entails or what people say about it.  

And it is never too late to do so.

So be happy; be yourself.  

If others don’t like it, then let them be.  

Life isn’t about pleasing everybody.  

Begin today by taking responsibility for your own happiness.  You are the only one who can create it.  The choice is yours.

8.  Never making a difference in the lives of others.

Every person can make a difference, and every person should try.

In life, you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  

Do something that’s greater than you – 

something that helps someone else 

to be happy or to suffer less.

Remember, making a positive difference 

in one person’s life can change the world.  

Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  

9.  Failing because you were scared to fail.

If your fear of failure, or of not being perfect, has driven you to take the safe road of doing nothing, you have already failed.  

Accept the fact that everyone fails, 

but don’t accept the act of not trying 

as your form of failure.

If you find yourself at a point of intense decision making where you’re caught in a spiral of over-analysis and hesitation, and you’re making no progress, take a deep breath, break the spiral, make an educated guess on the next logical step, and take it.  

Even if you get it wrong, you will learn something that will help you get it right next time.

Your failures along the road to your goals are simply opportunities to learn and grow.  

You might not be there yet, but if you keep moving forward, you’ll get there eventually.

Title Photo from: http://chrispiascik.com/2010/11/regrets-are-for-horseshoes-and-handbags/

Who is the person that has the “legal authority” to make funeral arrangements?

Who is the person that 

has the 

“legal authority” 

to make funeral 

arrangements?

The Cremation, Interment and Funeral Services Act, states that

1. The right of a person to control the disposition of the human remains or cremated remains vests in, and devolved on, the following persons in order of priority:

a.  The person representative named in the will of the     

     deceased

b.  The spouse of the deceased

c.  An adult child of the deceased

d.  An adult grandchild of the deceased

e. If the deceased was a minor, a person who was a legal guardian of the person of the deceased at the date of death

f.  A parent of the deceased

g.  An adult sibling of the deceased

h.  An adult nephew or niece of the deceased

i.  An adult next of kin of the deceased, determined on the basis provided by sections 89 and 90 of the Estate Administration Act

j. The minister under the Employment and Assistance Act or, if the official administrator under the Estate Administration Act is administering the estate of the deceased under that Act, the official administrator

k. An adult person having a person or kinship relationship with the deceased, other than those referred in paragraphs (b) to (d) and (f) to (i).

    2.    If the person at the top of the order of priority set out in  

           subsection one is unavailable or unwilling to give instructions,   

           the right to give instructions passes to the person who is next in    

           priority.

    3.    If, under subsection on, the right to control the disposition of  

           human remains or cremated remains passes to persons of equal  

           rank, the order of priority

a. Is determined in accordance with an agreement between or among them, or

b. In the absence of an agreement referred to in paragraph (a), begins with the eldest of the persons and descends in order of age.

     4.   A person claiming that he or she should be given the sole right 

           to control the disposition of the human remains or cremated   

           remains may apply to the Supreme Court for an order regarding   

           that right.

A funeral provider, cemetery or crematorium, will not provide burial or cremation arrangements unless they have received written authorization from the person who under the above section has the right to control the disposition of the human remains.  

It is therefore imperative that you state in your WILL the name of the person who shall have the control over the final disposition.  Do not forget to give a copy of your WILL to the person you are entrusting with the final arrangements.

Information taken from the booklet "Helpful Information" by the Funeral Service of British Columbia Canada

WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE A MEMORIAL SERVICE

 

WHY YOU SHOULD 

HAVE A MEMORIAL SERVICE

Written by Marian Sewell

Once again, as I glance down the obituary column, wondering if any familiar names are there, I see a statement that occurs more and more often: "In keeping with Virginia's wishes, there will be no funeral service."

I am deeply disturbed by this trend. Ritual is the way cultures in all times and places have marked significant events in their community. Religious holidays like Christmas and Hanukkah carry traditions that have been around for generations. Babies are often christened or dedicated. We gather to celebrate the marriage of friends. Birthdays call for a cake and candles. Why would we allow the death of a loved one to pass without ceremony?

Rituals are not optional to a healthy culture: they tell us where we've been, they bind us together, they give us courage for the journey.

The ritual of the funeral or the memorial service has several purposes. First of all, it helps mourners recognize the loss as real. Sometimes a body is present at the service, often not, but always we know that we are there to acknowledge that someone has died, and to acknowledge the death not just in fact, but in feeling. We come together to grieve in the presence of a caring community, and for the time of the service we have permission to give ourselves to the experience of loss.

We also gather to celebrate the life that is now gone from us, to recollect and to remember, as in "to make whole again."  

 

"The service is a way 

of paying respect to the person 

who has died, one who has lived 

perhaps not a perfect life, 

but like the rest of us, 

a life full of hope and 

possibility and struggle. "

 

If it is done well, the service will bring at least a partial sense of closure to the void that one feels at these times. The purpose of all ritual is transformation: We come to the service in one state, we leave in another.

The service, then, exists for the living, not for the deceased. Virginia is really not the person to decide whether or not she should have a memorial service -- that is for those of us who remain, those who have loved her and lost her. What did she mean to our lives? What part of her legacy lives on with us? How do we wish to remember her? How does her life and death inform our own existence, as we pass through this darkling plain? As we think upon the life of the deceased -- its beginning, its course and its ending -- we are each led to think of our own lives, and to contemplate questions of mortality and meaning.

 

But what if Virginia was a difficult person? What if she was a narcissist, who didn't really pay much attention to her children? Or what if she was a raging alcoholic? Do we really want to remember her, to celebrate her life? Yes, we do, just as she was, in all of the various colors of her life. In my experience, problematic persons are the most difficult for the survivors to release in death.

These are the mourners who must now give up hope that the loved one will ever change; these are the broken-hearted ones who need to grasp a larger picture of the deceased in order to forgive and move on. A service can sometimes help them move in the direction of healing.

 

I have asked myself why so many people are now opting out of a funeral or a memorial service. One reason surely must be the embarrassingly bad services we've all been subjected to. Too often the minister takes the service as 

an opportunity to preach to  the numbers of unconverted he suspects may be attending. Or he may not know the deceased, and that lack of knowledge becomes evident in his remarks. Or the minister may attempt to console mourners by telling them that their loved one "is in a better place." This statement sounds hollow to people who are missing the one who died, and certainly is meaningless to those in the congregation who do not believe in an afterlife. It is understandable that many would decide not to have a service rather than risk the emptiness and disrespect they have experienced at other services they have attended.

Some people may decide against a service because they are not particularly religious and do not have anyone they can ask to officiate. B

ut 

 ...a ritual to mark the end of a life 

need not be traditionally religious at all...

 

It can be a simple gathering in a space large enough to accommodate those who might wish to be present, whether a public hall or a rented chapel or a home. If an officiant is not known, sometimes friends can suggest one, or the family may decide to structure a simple service themselves. If expense is an issue, or if the attendance is expected to be light, the family might opt to invite only relatives and close friends to a service in a home.

At a service, those attending will experience a "time apart": there may be soft lighting, candles, sage burning, flowers. Music is often an important part of the service, because it offers a ready avenue to the feelings. The same is true of poetry. Some will want to include scripture and prayer. Silence, so rare in our society, allows space for thoughts and feelings to emerge. And stories should be told, for narrative is how we remember and how we are able to continue. Humor always arises, as it is the flip side of grief. We laugh and we cry. We acknowledge that we are a part of the stream of life, and we assert our common humanity. We carry on.

 

 

The Rev. Dr. Marilyn Sewell is an accomplished Unitarian Univeralist minister, writer, activist and spiritual leader. She retired from parish ministry in 2009, after serving 17 years as the Senior Minister of the First Unitarian Church of Portland, Ore., and was named Minister Emerita. Marilyn is the subject of a full-length documentary film, "Raw Faith," which recently opened in N.Y. to critical acclaim.

Written by Marian Sewell http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marilyn-sewell/virginia-doesnt-want-a-me_b_903570.html