Trauma & Coping Strategies - YES, Death is Trauma

Trauma & Coping Strategies

 

YES - Death is Trauma

 

After a trauma, people may go through a wide range of normal responses.

Such reactions may be experienced not only by people who experienced the trauma first-hand, but by those who have witnessed or heard about the trauma, or been involved with those immediately affected. Many reactions can be triggered by persons, places, or things associated with the trauma. Some reactions may appear totally unrelated.

Here is a list of common physical and emotional reactions to trauma, as well as a list of helpful coping strategies. These are NORMAL reactions to ABNORMAL events.

Physical Reactions

Aches and pains like headaches, backaches, stomach aches

Sudden sweating and/or heart palpitations (fluttering)

 

Changes in sleep patterns, appetite, interest in sex

Constipation or diarrhea

Easily startled by noises or unexpected touch

   

More susceptible to colds and illnesses

   

Increased use of alcohol or drugs and/or overeating

Emotional Reactions

 

 

 

Shock and disbelief

 

 Fear and/or anxiety

Grief, disorientation, denial

 

Hyper-alertness

 or hyper vigilance

 

 

Irritability

 restlessness, outbursts of anger

or rage

 

    Emotional swings 

like crying and then laughing

 

Worrying or ruminating

 intrusive thoughts of the trauma nightmares

 

Flashbacks

feeling like the trauma is happening now

 

Feelings of helplessness

panic, feeling out of control

 

Minimizing

 the experience

 

 

Attempts to avoid

anything associated with trauma

 

Tendency to isolate oneself

 

Feelings of detachment

 

Concern over burdening others

with problems

 

Emotional numbing

or restricted range of feelings

 

Difficulty trusting

and/or feelings of betrayal

 

Difficulty concentrating

or remembering

Feelings of self-blame  

and/or survivor guilt

 

Shame

 

 

Diminished interest

in everyday activities or depression

 

Unpleasant past memories resurfacing

 

Loss of a sense of order

or fairness in the world; expectation of doom and fear of the future

Helpful Coping Strategies

    Mobilize a support system 

 reach out and connect with others,

especially those who may have shared the stressful event

 

 

    Talk about the traumatic experience

with empathic listeners

 

    Cry

 

    Hard exercise

like jogging, aerobics, bicycling, walking

 

    Relaxation exercise

like yoga, stretching, massage

 

    Humor

 

    Prayer and/or meditation

listening to relaxing guided imagery; progressive deep muscle relaxation

 

    Hot baths

    Music and art

 

    Maintain balanced diet

and sleep cycle as much as possible

 

   

Avoid over-using stimulants

like caffeine, sugar, or nicotine

 

    Commitment to something

personally meaningful and important every day

 

    Hug those you love

pets included

 

    Eat warm turkey

 boiled onions, baked potatoes, cream-based soups,

these are tryptophane activators,

which help you feel tired but good (like after Thanksgiving dinner)

 

    Proactive responses toward

personal and community safety 

organize or do something socially active

 

    Write about your experience

in detail, just for yourself or to share with others

 

 

People are usually surprised that reactions to trauma can last longer than they expected. It may take weeks, months, and in some cases, many years to fully regain equilibrium. Many people will get through this period with the help and support of family and friends. But sometimes friends and family may push people to "get over it" before they're ready. Let them know that such responses are not helpful for you right now, though you appreciate that they are trying to help. Many people find that individual, group, or family counseling are helpful, and in particular, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a phenomenally rapid and wonderful therapeutic method. Either way, the key word is CONNECTION ask for help, support, understanding, and opportunities to talk.

The Chinese character for crisis is a combination of two words -- danger and opportunity. People who fully engage in recovery from trauma discover unexpected benefits. As they gradually heal their wounds, survivors find that they are also developing inner strength, compassion for others, increasing self-awareness, and often the most surprising -- a greater ability to experience joy and serenity than ever before.

Written by Patti Levin, LICSW, PsyD

 

David: Please let everyone know that I give permission for my fact sheet to be used by anyone, either as a whole, or in part, as long as my name appears somewhere on it for credit. [Specifically,] its OK to make unlimited copies [of this document] for educational and non-commercial uses in a disaster situation, provided no fee is charged. People can also contact me by email or by telephone (617) 227-2008. Warmly, Patti 13 September 2001

 

 

To Help You Understand Grief

TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND GRIEF

Grief is a somewhat complicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some point or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grief are generally the same. Although varying from person to person, it’s not unusual for the active stages of grief to last 1 to 2 full years of more. But, understanding the stages of grief can also help the bereaved see that they aren’t alone in their confusion, turmoil, and pain and that things will improve as you progress through the stages.

It is commonly accepted that there are five actual stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or other the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be fully completed. Thus there will be little or no healing. A person MUST go through the five stages to truly be well again and to heal completely. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time, or in the same order. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages; they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backwards, but, this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. 

The following is a basic outline of these five stages. It is our sincere hope that this guide will help you better understand what you are feeling now, and what you may be feeling tomorrow, as you move forward one day at a time.

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF ARE:

STAGE 1- Denial: “This can’t be happening to me”. You will find yourself looking for your loved one in familiar places, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still living there. You may not cry. You may not accept or even acknowledge the loss for some time.

STAGE 2- Anger: “Why me?” You will experience feelings of wanting to fight back of get even with the person for dying. You will feel anger toward the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

STAGE 3- Bargaining: Bargaining often takes place even before the loss. You may attempt to make deals with the person who is dying, or attempt to make deals with God or others to stop death from happening. You may find yourself begging, wishing, or praying for the deceased to come back

STAGE 4- Depression: You may have overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, or even self-pity. You are mourning not only the loss of the person, but also the loss of your future hopes, dreams and plans as well. You may feel a lack of control, a feeling of numbness. You may perhaps even feel suicidal.

STAGE 5- Acceptance: There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just resign to it and try to bear it quietly. You must realize and accept that even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person was not in their right frame of mind and that they didn’t leave you specifically, on purpose. You must work toward finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, you must seek out and find comfort and healing. Your goals must turn toward personal growth. You must hold onto fond memories of the person who has died.

Don’t be afraid to ask for or seek out help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that at this very moment in time. Just know that it is true. 

To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive; it proves that we are human and felt love or affection for the person who has died. But, we can’t stop living.

We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. 

Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to facilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.