To Help You Understand Grief

TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND GRIEF

Grief is a somewhat complicated and misunderstood emotion. Yet, grief is something that, unfortunately, we must all experience at some point or other. We will all inevitably experience loss. Whether it is a loss through death, divorce or some other loss, the stages of grief are generally the same. Although varying from person to person, it’s not unusual for the active stages of grief to last 1 to 2 full years of more. But, understanding the stages of grief can also help the bereaved see that they aren’t alone in their confusion, turmoil, and pain and that things will improve as you progress through the stages.

It is commonly accepted that there are five actual stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage or other the process of grieving is not complete, and cannot be fully completed. Thus there will be little or no healing. A person MUST go through the five stages to truly be well again and to heal completely. Not everyone goes through the stages at the same time, or in the same order. It is different for each person. You cannot force a person through the stages; they have to go at their own pace, and you may go one step forward then take two steps backwards, but, this is all part of the process, and individual to each person. 

The following is a basic outline of these five stages. It is our sincere hope that this guide will help you better understand what you are feeling now, and what you may be feeling tomorrow, as you move forward one day at a time.

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF ARE:

STAGE 1- Denial: “This can’t be happening to me”. You will find yourself looking for your loved one in familiar places, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still living there. You may not cry. You may not accept or even acknowledge the loss for some time.

STAGE 2- Anger: “Why me?” You will experience feelings of wanting to fight back of get even with the person for dying. You will feel anger toward the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

STAGE 3- Bargaining: Bargaining often takes place even before the loss. You may attempt to make deals with the person who is dying, or attempt to make deals with God or others to stop death from happening. You may find yourself begging, wishing, or praying for the deceased to come back

STAGE 4- Depression: You may have overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, or even self-pity. You are mourning not only the loss of the person, but also the loss of your future hopes, dreams and plans as well. You may feel a lack of control, a feeling of numbness. You may perhaps even feel suicidal.

STAGE 5- Acceptance: There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just resign to it and try to bear it quietly. You must realize and accept that even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person was not in their right frame of mind and that they didn’t leave you specifically, on purpose. You must work toward finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, you must seek out and find comfort and healing. Your goals must turn toward personal growth. You must hold onto fond memories of the person who has died.

Don’t be afraid to ask for or seek out help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that at this very moment in time. Just know that it is true. 

To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive; it proves that we are human and felt love or affection for the person who has died. But, we can’t stop living.

We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. 

Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to facilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.