Being an Executor

Being An Executor is 

a Very Big Job

What IS an Executor????

An executor is the person named in a will to carry out the directions contained in the will.  The executor is responsible for settling the person's affairs after death.  The person's estate passes temporarily to the executor.

The executor locates all of the person's assets, pays the funeral costs, debts and taxes, and then distributes the remaining money and property according to the instructions in the will.  The executor is accountable to the beneficiaries.  For example, the executor must let the beneficiaries know when he or she is applying for probate, and must keep records and give all beneficiaries a final statement of accounts.

Being an Executor

Being an Executor takes time, energy and careful attention to detail.  An executor can get help from friends and family members and also from a lawyer or accountant if necessary.  However, the executor is the person who is legally responsible.  An executor will make the decisions, watch over everything, and keep accurate records.

How difficult is it to be an Executor? 

Your job as an executor may be more difficult if:

• There are many beneficiaries

• The person who died owned a business

• The person had investments and debts

• The will includes a trust

• The will is challenged by someone who feels left of of the will

  

Do I have to act as executor?

If someone asks you to be an executor and you don’t want the job, you can say no.  You also can assign after the person has died.  However, the law says that in order to resign in this way you must not have intermeddled in the estate.  If is best to decide early on if you do not want the job, before you make decisions that affect the estate.

If there is a co-executor, he or she can take over.  You must sign a “Renunciation of Probate” form.  This form says you are resigning and you have not interfered in the estate.

If there is no co-executor, the alternate executor can take over.  If there is no alternate named in the will, someone will have to apply to become administrator of the estate.  If is best to agree to act as executor only if you feel you can do the job well.  Being an executor takes time.

Ten Steps the Executor 

may take when the person dies

The order of the steps will depend on the situation.    

1.  Locate and read the will.

     The will may have instructions about the person’s wishes for organ donation, burial or cremation, and/or funeral or memorial service.

    When you agree to act as an executor, make sure you have an up-to-date copy of the will.  Keep it in a safe place where you can find it easily.  Keep a written record of all your activity as executor.  Keep all receipts and financial records of the estate.

    Many people keep the original will in a safety deposit box.  Try to find the keys and tell the manager of the financial institution that you are the executor and are looking for the original will.  If you can’t find the key, the box can be drilled open for a charge.  Some people leave the will with their lawyer or Notary Public.  However, problems can arise if they have not kept in touch with the lawyer or Notary, who may have died, or moved or sold the business.

     If you can’t find the will, check with the Wills Registry at Vital Statistics.  Vital Statistics will check to see if the will was registered and where the wills notice says the original will is kept.  They will send you a formal reply that you need for probate.  (The above pertains to the province of British Columbia, Canada.  Check with your province or state for information).

   2. Arrange for burial or cremation.

Legally, the executor is responsible for arranging burial or cremation.  Often people leave instructions about what they want.  If there is any question about what the person wanted, the executor has the legal authority to decide.

   3. Protect the assets

As the executor it is your responsibility to protect the assets.  For example, you may want to make sure they are insured and safe.  You may wish to place valuable papers, cash or jewelry in a safety deposit box.  You may need to change the locks on the person’s house.  If the person owned a business, you will need to arrange for its ongoing and proper management.

   4. Obtain the death certificates

The Division of Vital Statistics handles this matter.  They provide the forms you will fill out and return.  (We at Telford’s Burial & Cremation Centre can do this for you)  You may want to order more than one death certificate so you can deal with more than one institution at a time.  There is a fee for each death certificate.

   5.  Probate the will

Probate is the procedure that confirms the will can be acted on and that you have the authority to act as executor.  If the person owned real estate, probate is required.

Check with any institutions that hold the person’s assets to find out what they require.  Sometimes financial institutions will not release the person’s money without confirmation of probate.  It depends on how confident staff are the you have the authority to act.  If they know you and your relationship to the deceased, they may be satisfied just to see the death certificate and the will.

                                                                                                             

    6.  Get probate forms

The Probate Registry does not provide forms.  They will give you a list of forms you need, and refer you to the Self Counsel Press publications, Probate Guide for BC and Probate Forms.  These forms are available from public libraries, and sold at bookstores, legal stationary stores, or the Self Counsel Press Office.

You will need to sign some of the documents in front of a lawyer, Notary Public, or “commissioner for taking affidavits.”  All court registries  have a ‘commissioner for taking affidavits.”  Some community groups do as well.  When you sign, it means you are swearing or affirming that the information you are providing in the document is true.

   7.   Notify the beneficiaries

You must notify all the beneficiaries named in the will and anyone else who may have a legal claim on the estate such as a common-law spouse, children, or a separated spouse.  You don’t need to have a gathering to “read the will”, like in the movies.  However, you must send them a copy of the will and a copy of your Notice of Intent to Apply for Probate.

  8.  List the assets and liabilities

The “Statement of Assets and Liabilities” is one of the forms you will fill out for probate.  It has four parts:

·    A list of property (the person’s home);

·   A list of personal property (cash, jewelry, furniture, pension and death benefits);

·   A list of debts; and

·  A distribution list (beneficiaries names, addresses, relationship to deceased and gifts they are to receive.)

Do not list assets that are owned in joint tenancy or that name a specific beneficiary, such as an RRSP.  These are not form part of the estate.

   9.  Apply to probate the will

In most cases, you don’t actually go to court to get probate.  You need to fill out specific forms.  Then take them, along with the original will and the reply from the wills search, to the Probate Registry of any Supreme Court of British Columbia.  (check your local provincial or state.)

You will need to pay a fee when you file the documents. 

 10.  Obtain probate

After the registry staff determine that your forms are in order and the fees are paid, you will get a “Grant of Probate.”  This is a legal document that allows you to deal with the estate.  If your application is rejected, the staff will let you know the reason.  You can correct the problem and re-apply.

More detailed and in-depth information  about the executor’s duties can be found on our website's link

http://s67.funeralhomewebhosting.com/content.php?sid=13156&ssid=35053 under Resources for Organizing Your Estate. 

Excerpts from the People's Law School booklet, "Being an Executor", 3rd edition 2012.  www.publiclegaled.bc.ca  

 also see Clicklaw www.clicklaw.bc.ca

What to Expect when Your Loved One Is Dying

Journey's End: Active Dying
Pallative Care Article

 What to Expect When Your Loved One 

Is Dying

Some people in a palliative care program will get better and move on with their life. When people have a terminal condition – when death is expected – palliative care helps to improve life quality for patients, caretakers, and loved ones.

When members of your palliative care team recognize the signs that a person is within months or weeks of dying, they may recommend transitioning to hospice.

"When they are in hospice, they will get the same comfort care, but more services will be provided for both the patient and the family," Ursula Braun, MD, MPH, director of the palliative care unit at the DeBakey Veterans Administration Medical Center in Houston, tells WebMD.

As death approaches, the role of the caretaker changes, says Phil Higgins, director of palliative care outreach at Boston's Dana Farber/Brigham & Women's Cancer Center.

"Where before you did a lot of hands-on care, now your role may be to be present, to comfort and reassure your loved one with soothing words and actions that help maintain their comfort and dignity as they approach death," Higgins tells WebMD.

Symptoms and Signs 

that Death Is Near

Barbara Karnes, RN, an expert on the dynamics of dying, lists the usual and normal physical signs and symptoms of approaching death in her book Gone From My Sight: The Dying Experience.

One to three months prior to death, your loved one is likely to:

•   Sleep or doze more.

•   Eat and drink less.

• Withdraw from people and activities previously found pleasurable.

• Be less – or if they are a child, more – communicative.

One to two weeks prior to death, your loved may be bed bound and may be experiencing:

•  Increased pain, which can be treated.

• Changes in blood pressure, respiratory rate, and heart   rate.

•  Continued loss of appetite and thirst and difficulty taking medications by mouth.

•  Decline in bowel and bladder output.

•  Changes in sleep-wake patterns.

• Temperature fluctuations that may leave the skin cool, warm, moist, or pale.

•  Constant fatigue.

• Congested breathing from the build-up of secretions at the back of the throat. "The sounds this makes can be very distressing for family members, but it's not painful and can be managed in a variety of ways, including with medications," says Braun.

• Disorientation or seeing and talking to people who aren't there. These hallucinations and visions, especially if they are of long-gone loved ones, can be comforting. "When they are pleasant for the person, don't try to convince them that a loved one isn't there. That can make someone who is pleasantly confused become agitated and combative," says Andrea M. Holtzer, RN, palliative care nurse coordinator at St. Mary's Hospital in Amsterdam, New York.

When death is imminent – within days or hours:

•  Your loved one may not want food or drink.

•  There may be little or no bladder or bowel activity.

•  Pain may show as grimaces, groans, or scowls and should be managed.

•  Eyes may tear or become glazed.

• If not already unconscious, your loved one may drift in and out of consciousness. "They are probably still able to hear and feel," says Braun. "So it's important to talk to them and to hold their hand."

• Pulse and heart beat may be irregular and/or difficult to detect.

• Body temperature will drop and the skin of the knees, feet, and hands will become a mottled bluish-purple. "Once the mottling starts, death is often within 24 hours," says Holtzer.

• Breathing, punctuated by gasping starts and stops, will slow – until it stops entirely.

"For children and teens, the signs and symptoms are more or less the same as for adults. However, the course of dying is harder to predict in children", says Jennifer K. Clark, MD, professor of palliative medicine at the University of Oklahoma College of Community Medicine, Tulsa.

"Children are so resilient that they are often fairly active – and asking a lot of tough-to-answer questions – until the end is near," Clark tells WebMD.

In the last days or hours, your loved one may experience what doctors call terminal delirium: heightened activity and confusion often accompanied by hallucinations so distressful they may cry out, strike out, or try to climb out of bed.

"This isn't merely distressing for family members. Their loved ones could hurt themselves, so it's important to nip it in the bud with medications or non-pharmacological interventions," Holtzer says.

Holtzer advises making sure the room is well lit, but not brightly lit; ensuring that the room is as quiet and peaceful as possible; and constantly assuring your loved one that you are there.

Ironically, in the last days or hours, a loved one may also experience a period of clarity and lucidity.

"Once in a while patients rally, and know exactly who you are and can talk with you. When this happens, it's a real gift to the family," Braun says.

During the journey to death, 

the signs and symptoms 

of approaching death 

are unique to each person 

and his or her condition.

"Some people will have a very gradual decline. Others may have a more rapid decline, and their signs and symptoms will usually be more pronounced," says Carol Lovci, RN, vice president at San Diego Hospice and The Institute of Palliative Medicine.

When to Say Good-bye

One of the hardest questions is when to call in family members to say good-bye and to make memories for the future.

With those things in mind, Lovci recommends family be notified as soon as it becomes evident that death is approaching. This allows the care team to provide them insight about what to expect – both in terms of their loved one's decline and their own physical and emotional reactions – and it enables family members to support one another and their loved one.

Don't assume, however, that calling the family in means they will be there at the end.

"Families often sit late into the night, and then, when they have gone home, the person dies. It's as if their loved one couldn't let go while they were there," says Holtzer.

Resources:

These resources may be of particular help to caregivers, families, and friends of a person who is dying:

• Aging in the Know: Palliative Care and Hospice.     DyingWell.org

• Family Caregiver Alliance, End-of-Life Choices: Holding on and Letting Go

•  American Geriatrics Society: Dying at Home

• Hospice and Palliative Nurses Association, Patient/Family Teaching Sheets: Final Days

•  Hospice Foundation of America, The Dying Process: A Guide for Caregivers, revised, 2007 (free).

•  Karnes, B. Gone From My Sight: The Dying Experience, Barbara Karnes Books Inc. (cost: $3, includes shipping and handling).

http://www.webmd.com/palliative-care/journeys-end-active-dying

A Dying Person’s Guide To Dying

A Dying Person’s Guide To Dying

by Roger C. Bone, M.D.

By thinking ahead about what could happen - and about how you will deal with problems if they do happen, you can create a better life and a better quality of life for yourself and for the people who love and care about you. 

What I have to say is for the person who, like myself, is dying. We, too, need to plan - to think ahead in order to fashion, out of the time remaining, the best of what is possible.

As I am dying from cancer, I have learned some things that I think are important for a dying person to know in order to plan. I am a physician, but what I have learned has little to do with my medical training. I have learned this as a person; perhaps my medical experience was helpful because I have paid close attention to the actions and reactions of people around me.

First, it is likely that you will be surrounded by persons who mean well but, in the end, you must die your own death. Dying can be considered a journey one takes alone with a crowd. Family and friends are the first to gather around you, and they offer the most comfort.

Here are some pieces of advice to remember in those first few days after you learn the bad news.

One or two people - probably family members - will make enormous personal sacrifices to help you. If you are married, your spouse is likely to do this, but don’t be surprised if others - a daughter, a brother-in-law, or even a friend, step forward to offer extraordinary help. Be grateful, and accept help, from whatever source, graciously.

Some family members, but especially friends, will treat you differently. Even before you show signs of serious illness, people will have a different look in their eyes as they talk with you. You might consider this patronizing or over bearing. It may be difficult, but it is best to ignore their attitudes and treat them as you always have. They will come around to their normal selves when they get over the shock.

 

Happily accept all gifts from family and friends. It makes them feel better and you might receive something you really like and appreciate.

Don’t be afraid to ask to be alone. We need time to be by ourselves. Some family and friends may feel driven to fill your every waking moment with activities; perhaps they are trying to “take your mind off” your impending death, but they may also be doing the same thing for themselves.

Be your own counsel. No one, including your physician, religious counselor, spouse, or friends can understand 100% what you want and need. It surprised me that some people seemed to “bully” me with advice when they learned that I was terminally ill. We should remember Immanuel Kant’s advice to avoid accepting someone else’s authority in place of our own powers of reason. We are the ones who should be considering alternatives and making choices. We can, and should, ask for advice. Make telephone calls and read books - but ultimately, we should decide.

Slow down and ask your family and friends to slow down. There may not be a lot of time, but there is sufficient time in all but the most extreme cases to think, plan, prepare.

There are things you need to know from your doctors and other health care staff. You need not ask all of the following questions or ask them in this order. Still, these questions deal with crucial issues that need to be addressed and, hopefully, resolved.

What is my disease?

You should find out as much as possible about your disease. What is it? How will it affect me? And very importantly, how will it cause my death? First, ask your physician. Additionally, many popular books are available in bookstores and libraries which can give you a basic sense of your disease process and disease terminology. National organizations, such as the American Cancer Society, and often local hospitals can provide brochures, video tapes, or even lay experts to help you and your family understand your particular disease. Ignorance is not bliss; the more you and your family know, the better able everyone will be able to cope with what is happening.

Should I seek a second opinion 

about my disease and my condition?

Seek a second opinion! A second opinion will relieve your mind and resolve doubts one way or another that a major mistake has not been made. More importantly, a second opinion will offer a slightly different perspective that may help everyone’s understanding. Don’t be embarrassed about asking for a second opinion or think that you will make your physician angry. Second opinions are perfectly acceptable, and many physicians are happy when their patients seek second opinions. The original diagnosis is usually confirmed, and you are then more prepared to follow prescribed treatments.

What health professional do I especially trust?

Search for and then trust in a single individual. This does not mean you should not listen to all health professionals and follow reasonable directions and advice. But focus on one individual as the final helper. This normally will be the specialist physician in charge of your case. However, you may know your family doctor better than you know your cancer specialist. If this is the case, your family doctor may be the one to choose. But, if you do, make certain that your family doctor knows that he or she is serving that role.

Why am I going into the hospital?

There are four basic reasons why a terminally ill person would be hospitalized, but not all four necessarily apply to every patient. They are: (1) to confirm the diagnosis and analyze how far the disease has progressed; (2) to provide treatment that can only be given in the hospital, (3) to treat a severe worsening of the disease; and (4) to treat the final phases of the disease, if this cannot be done at home or with hospice. You should know which applies to you so that you can understand why things are done to you and what benefits you can expect.

What are the hospital rules about terminally ill patients?

Hospitals and medical centers have written rules and procedures that outline in detail how the hospital will deal with terminally ill patients. These are not “treatment” rules. These protocols or guidelines, as they are called, deal with how to handle end-of-life issues, such as whether the patient (or the patient’s family speaking for the patient) wishes extraordinary “heroic” measures to be used to keep the patient alive. Hospitals are obligated, and very willing, to share these protocols or guidelines with patients and families. 

Consider getting a durable power of attorney in which you name one or two people to make decisions or choices on your behalf if you should be incompetent or incapable of making decisions yourself. 

Read the “Do Not Resuscitate” policies of the hospital. Death should be peaceful, and you should not ask for anything that gives you prolonged agony.

You should be aware that nurses and other hospital staff may not know that you are terminally ill. This fact may not be written in your chart, which can lead to conflicts between families and hospital staff. The family may assume that everyone in the hospital shares their grief, and will not understand the workaday attitude of nurses, dietitians, or others. It is okay for the family to tell the hospital staff that you are dying since they may not know.

What resources are available from the health care community?

Most hospitals have many services available to patients and families to help with nonmedical aspects of your care. These include social services and psychological, financial, and religious counseling. For example, a visit, before hospitalization, to the hospital financial counselor by a family member to check on insurance and payment plans is a wise move. In the rush to admit a patient, important information may not get recorded. A 15 minute meeting with counselors can avoid stress and anger over incorrect bills. Similarly, meeting with the hospital social worker may be very helpful in arranging home care. Use these services!

What can I do if it seems that nothing is being done or if I don’t understand why certain things are done to me?

Hospitals, clinics, and doctors’ offices can be confusing places. You can begin to feel you have no control over what is being done to you, and you may wonder if anyone really understands your case. This is the time to call the health professional who is your primary contact - the one you decided you fully trust - your physician specialist or family physician. Ask this person to explain what is going on. Have him or her paged or even called at home if your situation is very upsetting. It is the physician’s responsibility to help you, and he or she will not be angry that you called.

How will I and my family pay for my treatment?

Financial professionals employed by hospitals understand billing and what may or may not be covered by Medicare, Medicaid, or private insurance. Consult them and be sure to ask every question to which you and your family need an answer. It is important that you and your family do not panic over billing. Ask for advice and help.

Sometimes the hardest part about dying is the effect it has on your family and friends. Helping them deal with your death helps you find peace and comfort. 

If you are not at peace with your death, ask the health professional you especially trust to help you find peace. That person will help or will get whatever help is needed. After all, it is the goal of all health professionals, to give you comfort and health during life and peace to you and your family at death.

Copyright © 1997 by the American College of Physicians. The American College of Physicians gives permission to reproduce and distribute copies of this plan provided it is not altered and its use is not for profit. Users can remove the left column (containing the book contents and the word “Top”) when making copies for distribution. For information on translation, subsidiary, and for-profit use, contact David Myers. Phone: 215-351-2642; fax: 215-351-2644; e-mail: dmyers@mail.acponline.org.

 

 

Soaring to New Heights for Frisbee Inventor’s Final Sendoff

Soaring to New Heights for Frisbee 

Inventor’s Final Sendoff

Article Originally published on: MySendOff.com

Have you ever used a Frisbee? If you have, then you’re quite familiar with “Steady” Ed Headrick’s famed invention. The father of Frisbee® and Disc Golf also invented the first disk golf basket, designed and installed the first Disk Golf course, founded the International Frisbee Association, Disc Golf Association, Professional Disc Golf Association and the Recreational Disk Golf Association. In addition to all this, he established and organized the first World Frisbee Championship and the Junior World Frisbee Championships, along with the first Frisbee Disc Golf Tournament in 1979.

The man had a long and full life, and was described by many close to him as not only someone who would think outside the box, but completely reinvent the box at the same time. Previous to his Frisbee days, Ed worked as a deep sea diver/welder and was embedded deep behind enemy lines as an advanced military scout to spy on the Nazis during WWII. He also is credited as the inventor of the oil skimmer, after seeing how much death and destruction oil spills can leave behind.

The Frisbee enthusiast was born in 1924, but it wasn’t until the 1970s when he was working at the Wham-O Corporation that he received his patent for the original Frisbee. He came up with most of his other inventions during this time period, and started traveling the United States donating Disc Golf baskets, installing courses and introducing people to the game.

The man lived and breathed Frisbee, teaching thousands of people how to play Disc Golf, and even making religious comments about the toy, “We used to say that Frisbee is really a religion, Frisbyterians we’d call ourselves. When we die, we don’t go to purgatory. We just land up on the roof and lay there.” This is exactly what happened to Headrick after he passed away from a stroke while in Miami at a tournament in 2002. His wife followed all of Headrick’s previously laid out sendoff plans, with no religious services taking place, instead his life was celebrated with an open house and a party. He was cremated, and his ashes were molded into plastic Frisbees, allowing him to live on forever with his favorite sport. The discs were given to family and friends, and some were sold, with proceeds going toward the “Steady” Ed Memorial Disc Golf Museum at the PDGA International Golf Center in Columbia County, Georgia (limited quantity of Frisbees are still available on Amazon for $200). 

Ed’s wife, Farina officially opened the museum by throwing a Frisbee containing some of his ashes onto the roof, in order to allow him to live out his Frisbyterian last rites.

Interaction with a Dying Person

Interaction with 

a Dying Person

Facing Your Own Fears 

to Face Your Loved One

 From Angela Morrow, RN, former About.com Guide

The thought of dying often times evokes fear and apprehension in people. Thinking of others dying can make our own mortality seem very real. Research has shown that dying people are even ostracized from society, even avoided by close friends and family.

 In light of this, it is easy to see why many dying patients report feeling isolated and alone. This is certainly not the type of death most of us would choose. Being surrounded by friends and loved ones is how the majority of us would choose to spend our last months or days.

Why is it so Difficult?

 There are several reasons many people have a difficult time interacting with a dying person including not wanting to face the reality of their own death, not having the time to become involved, and not having the emotional reserves to deal with such an intense situation. Feelings of guilt over whether they could have done something to prevent or cure an illness, or over how their relationship with that person has been recently may also cause someone to avoid a dying person.

When someone is having a difficult time interacting with a dying person, it often manifests as avoidance of them, difficulty speaking with them, difficulty maintaining eye contact, and keeping a physical distance from them. These are likely to be perceived by the person who is dying.

Factors that may complicate an already difficult situation are whether the cause of death is viewed as socially acceptable or not (i.e. heart failure vs. AIDS), whether the death is perceived as “on-time” or not (i.e. an elderly person vs. a child), and where they die (i.e. a nursing home vs. their own home). Because everyone dies differently, the dying person may evoke more avoidance due to their level of pain or distressing symptoms and how they cope with them. Some dying people may not want to engage in full conversations but prefer brief, succinct communication. These things can increase the discomfort loved ones already feel.

Bridging 

the Gap

On one side, you have family and friends that are fearful or uncomfortable being around a dying loved one and on the other, the dying person feeling abandoned, isolated, and alone. How do we bridge that gap to bring these people together? Open communication is the easiest and best way to bridge that gap.

Let the dying person know you are feeling fearful or uncomfortable, or whatever emotion it is that you have. They’re going to figure it out anyway! It will let them know that you are taking steps to get past it and to give them what they need the most during this time.

Ask the dying person what they need or expect from you. Some dying people will want to talk very openly about their illness and their impending death. Others will want to avoid talking about it and choose to focus more on fond memories or their loved ones lives. Both are okay but knowing what it is the dying person wants to talk about during your interactions will go a long way. Some will not want to talk at all but may want you at their side to hold their hand, read them a book, or just to feel your presence.

Be honest about what you can offer. If they want you to visit daily and you can’t fit it into your schedule or don’t feel like you can handle that much emotional strain, let them know. Tell them what they can expect from you like, “Bob, I understand that you want me to visit you every day. I want to visit you as much as I can but every day may not be possible. I will be sure to visit you every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday and if I can fit any extra days in, I will do it.” The important thing is to not make a promise that can’t keep.

Also, be honest about what you feel comfortable talking about. Just because the dying person wants to be open and frank about what is happening to them, you may not feel comfortable discussing every detail. Let them know if this is the case. Once everyone’s needs and expectations are in the open, the process of compromise can begin. 

Finding a place where everyone is comfortable and getting their needs met will help make interacting with the dying person a special experience that you can treasure.

http://dying.about.com/od/thedyingprocess/a/interacting.htm